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Dangers of Resiliency: The Exploitation of Volunteerism under the Guise of Civic Engagement.

After the super typhoon Rolly wreaked havoc in the Bicol Region, various groups from different provinces stepped into the picture to offer assistance that would aid severely affected individuals. While the government is playing blind-deaf to the battle cry of their people, donation drives from private sectors sounded the alarm on social media together with various organizations asking for monetary and in-kind donations. It was indeed a struggle to exhaust resources, enable transportation, and establish proper communication while cities and municipalities are barred down—all in the middle of a pandemic. The courage in each one of us may be in deep slumber, but with constant affirmations from people that deepens our in-depth analysis and awareness which awakens various potentials, it can affect change in the long run if we choose to actualize our advocacy and serve its purpose aligned with the current national setting—advocacy that would not enact ways to feed the need for resiliency, but rather, advocacy that grounds to strong principles of our nationalistic and democratic aspirations—something that would serve the interest of the masses up to the grass root levels of our society. To be able to advocate for a mass-oriented development mechanism means to further the call to demand accountability, transparency, and efficient public service amidst being a catalyst carrying out Band-Aid solutions to a system growing backward. This does not invalidate the efforts of those that embody the spirit of volunteerism in serving the people because it is clear that only through civic participation we can get a glimpse of the demands and interest of the community.

This also does not demonize the acts of kindness by respected volunteers that aided the socio-economic crisis that endangered many lives for the past few weeks. We are always reminded with such upbringing that it is significant to back up our words with meaningful actions that we can consistently do one step at a time, strong enough to prove and justify the claims that Filipinos will always volunteer for the frontline when a situation asks for it, even if it means facing potential risks.

But even if spontaneous solidarity rekindles in the heart of strong-willed individuals, poverty in all aspects would still resurface in the community in one way or another if people will continue to live under the roof of a faulty and poorly planned system. It is also important to realize that all though people will always be willing to exceed their helping boundaries, it should not be a free pass for the government to allow Band-Aid solutions as people should not carry the burden of bad governance in the first place. There is no harm to aim for positive transformation in communities but volunteers should also be under the obligation to demand transparency and accountability from those who are in direct authority to act on specific community defects. The mishandling of the pandemic as well as the unprecedented events of three consecutive typhoons just exposed how important it is for the government to innovate, realign, and amend its framework to come up with radical solutions. While ordinary people are almost emptying their pockets to suffice the need for relief goods, government officials should
not allow volunteerism to be exploited in any way. This boils down to the idea that to champion the goal of a society, the locality should not just resort to Band-Aid solutions but rather, find the cure to what is being aided.

Angel 

P.S. Several months ago, I published an article entitled One Vision, One Future, an advocacy-driven opinion piece about unifying visions. Now that the entire nation has gone through a lot, it’s time to see things through the lens of a supporter of radical reforms.

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Art inspirational

[Appreciation post] Dear frontliners and essential workers.

We all know how risky it is to sacrifice your life just to keep the entire community safe from the virus. I cannot equate my gratitude into words, but I hope in this simple letter, I can manifest my strong and sincere admiration to all the front-liners and essential workers out there.

Nothing can beat the unwavering support of the Filipinos through tough times, not even a pandemic. The COVID19 closed borders to observe strict lockdown guidelines, but it opened doors for people embodying great compassion for the underprivileged. People coming from different social class unite as one to combat this dangerous disease which cost the lives of many. Truly, the pandemic resurfaced a lot of kindhearted and good-natured individuals.

The Coronavirus has caused fear to everyone, but here you are, standing strong, aiding people with their necessities, and waking up every day to work for the healing of our nation. You are the bravest risk-takers I’ve known.

To all the front-liners and essential workers, may your burning passion to be of service to others help in rebuilding the nation through your hard work and dedication.

This too shall pass. In these trying times, while all of you are working outside the comforts of your home, may you always remember to take care of yourselves as well, and we, the Filipino youth will always be here to cheer you up and show our heartfelt support in every way we can.

Yours truly,
Angel
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Short Reads

One Vision, One Future.

A progressive society equipped with globally competitive individuals begins with a simple dream.

Our simple dreams for ourselves can affect change in the long run if we choose to actualize our advocacy and serve its purpose. Being a youth, I always believe that it is significant to back up our words with meaningful actions that we can consistently do one step at a time.

Our growing society continues to rely on the hopes and dreams of the youth. The goals that we always sought after, may it be big or small, reflect on the aspirations we always want to meet. We are entitled to an innovative realm where social media platforms have the potential to unify us with our visions. Given the privileges that we are blessed with, we always have the choice to utilize our resources in creating an inclusive locale where the youth can effect change in their very own way. This inclusivity opens a door for thorough discussions about the status quo of the society where the youth can actively participate and articulate their ideas. There are times that the current directorate requires innovative ideas, and that’s the time where the youth can enter the bigger picture. In that way, every voice will be heard and it can pave its way to reconstruct an existing framework governed by our officials.

The determination of every person gravitates to strong energy. A hard work of a persevering individual will realize a dream that will soon turn into reality. The voice of every youth in our community can awaken countless concepts about how we can generate a borderless society. It is our duty as advocates to embody the spirit of volunteerism to champion the goals of the community. If we always aim for success, we should also remember to aim for better progress.

Educate patiently, advocate passionately and inspire consistently.
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Short Reads

My Miss Teen Kamuy-An Baao 2019 journey

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Last August 21, 2019, I was crowned as the Miss Teen Kamuy-An Baao 2019. The moment the crown was being pinned on my head was also the moment where I realized that I should serve the purpose of being a beauty queen not just by title, but rather by actions.

I can still remember how tiring it was to travel an hour just to arrive home and attend my practice at 9 PM. Imagine being at school for 12 hours and alotting 2 hours for my practice. It was exhausting to the point where I cannot even concentrate on answering my practice questions properly. My trainor noticed that my answers are sometimes far from the topic, but I actually expected it since I was so tired and all I want to do is to sleep.

My life went like that for 2 weeks. I focused on my rigorous trainings everyday, from my walk, to my posture and smile, and I studied the nature of the possible questions when I’m at school. When I have idle time, I tried to answer questions as if I’m at an actual pageant. In that way, I was able to know how to escape dead silence, but blabbering so much is also something I avoided. Judges hate going around the bush.

During that time, It was also our midterms week, and it’s literally a HELL WEEK for me. Hell, as in dedicating all my time in studying and complying with requirements. I came to a point where I almost skipped meals just to do other tasks.

The pageant night was fast approcahing. I was busy selling my tickets, and practicing for my question and answer portion. I also need to familiarize our choreography for our production number. Imagine having a strict trainor.

Finally, the coronation night. The most awaited night for all of us. Afternoon of August 21, I already went to my make up artist for my make up. The gown that was finally delivered. My swimsuit attire, production attire, all the things that I needed was packed up. I can really say that I was really really nervous for the pageant even if it’s just 5 PM in the afternoon. My hands were shaky while I was familiarizing my lines on the phone. I need to calm down, that’s why, I went outside the room to breath fresh air. I was really hella nervous.

We finally arrived at the municipal hall. We are placed in a holding area so that the audience won’t see us. It gets really nerve wracking as minutes pass. I distract myself from nervousness by familiarizing my answers. But I know at the back of my mind, I am excited for this milestone I’m going to take. I have no idea what will happen.

We are finally at the backstage, preparing for our production number. After a couple of minutes, the pageant commenced, and I can see the municipal hall full of people, cheering for their bets. My legs were shaky and my sweat went waterfalls. The nervousness conquered me! Luckily, I didn’t made any mistakes even if I feel like I’m about to faint at any moment.

The swimsuit competition went smooth. I was a bit calmed but a bit giddy at the same time. That was the part of the pageant where we the first set of questions will be asked. It will also be the basis of the top five. I know that I answered graciously, and I really hoped my answer is what the judges wants to hear.

Fortunately, I was included in the top five, and then we were asked for the final Q and A. The gravity of our answers will clearly tell who will be crowned at that night. To be honest, I went too wordy at that time because my mind just went blank. Like space. I seriously cannot remember any of what I reviewed, that’s why I answered the question based on how I understand it. No basis, pure impromptu.

After answering, I calmed myself and my mind went blank again. I suddenly remember all my hardwork I’ve gone through. Those late night practices and rigorous trainings. I just told myself that I just need to enjoy the night without even expecting for the crown. I honestly don’t want to think that I need to win the competition. After all, there are still other ways to chase my dream.

We are called to take our final walk, and the most awaited part of the pageant finally arrived. With giddy legs and sweaty hands, I stood still on the stage, expecting nothing but enjoying the rest of the pageant.

Suddenly, my name was called and to my surprise, I won the title as the Miss Teen Kamuy-An Baao 2019. I never expected the crown.

I was so amazed and everyone dear to me was proud of me. My family, friends, my make up artist and my relatives were all in awe when the winner was announced. I can’t imagine how happy I am at that time knowing that a lot of people actually cheered for me.

That was one of the happiest moments in my life. And now that I till got the crown, I want to actualize my duty as a reigning queen.

My secret to win the crown? Practice, purpose, passion.

And now that my reign will finally end in a couple of months, the most unexpected plot twist happened. I will finally embark a journey to being a queen with a purpose. A queen who serves, and a queen who inspires.

Before ending my reign, I am ready to serve my purpose.

The purpose I shall serve

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Siyam na Sabado

Kasabay ng pagkwento ko ang pagbabalik tanaw sa nakalipas na siyam na Sabado.

Tara, kwentuhan muna tayo.

10:48 palang naman, hindi pa malalim ang gabi. Ilang oras nalang, linggo nanaman. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero madami akong gustong sabihin. Marahil, gusto ko rin umiyak. Pero kanino?

Teka, alalahanin ko muna yung taong nakasama ko sa nakalipas na siyam na Sabado.

Hindi naman talaga siya kaibigan. Hindi ko siya kilala. Ni hindi ko nga alam na nag eexist siya. Ang weird noh? wala din akong alam sa mga mangyayare nung araw na yon. Basta ang alam ko, may kelangan akong matapos.

Ng kasama siya.
ng kasama pala siya.
Ng hindi ako nag iisa.

Tumigil na ang jeep. May nilakaran kaming papasok. Pagkahaba haba ng nilakad namin pero hindi ko man lang yon naramdaman. Bago ako sa lugar na yon kaya gusto ko talagang ikutin yun ng buo. Inikot naman namin yon. Mula sa pagpasok sa gate, sa paglilibot sa garden, pati sa pagkuha ng litrato. Ako nga pala ang taga kuha ng litrato nung mga panahong yon. Kasabay ng pag ikot namin ang pag ikot rin ng aming kwentuhan. Saakin, sakaniya, sakanila. Nagtawanan din kami. Napagkwentuhan namin yung dati kong paaralan. Napagkwentuhan namin kung paano tumanda ng lugar sa Manila. Napagkwentuhan namin kung ano siya bilang tao, kung pano ako bilang babae. Nakakatawa nga eh. Hindi kami nauubusan ng napagkukwentuhan. Nakakatuwa siya. Masyado ba kaming madaldal?

5 na ng hapon, pero ba’t parang ilang minuto lang kami nag usap? Nag enjoy naman kase ako. Siya rin naman daw. Ang bilis naman ng oras nung kasama ko siya, ba’t ganon?

Ayoko pa umalis. Ayaw pa naming umalis.

Pagkatapos ng siyam na Sabado, eto ako ngayon, binabalikan kung pano namin nasimulan. Naaksidente lang yata si tadhana, kaso yun nga lang, pinanindigan na.

Siyam na Sabado na ang nakalipas, ilang Sabado pa kaya ang dadaan?

Salamat nga pala sayo. Sana Mabasa mo.

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Short Reads Uncategorized

Hanggang dito nalang?

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Hindi ko din alam.
wala akong masagot sa tanong na yan.

Hindi ko din naman kase alam kung anong namagitan satin.
Hindi ko alam kung minahal mo ba talaga ako, o nadala ka lang ng kilig.
Hindi ko din naman alam kung nagandahan ka lang saakin. O kaya nabaitan. O kaya saktong wala kang magawa nung mga oras na yun kaya nung nalibang ka sakin, nasanay ka nalang.

Ay oo. Baka nga talaga nasanay ka nalang sakin.

Nasanay ka, hanggang sa naging mas malalim yung pagkakaibgan natin.
Hanggang sa di natin namamalayan, sa sobrang lalim, nahuhulog na pala tayo sa isa’t isa.
Naaalala ko pa kung paano mo pa ideny na wala kang gusto sakin pero jusko, kitang kita naman sa mga mata mo. Halatang halata sa mga kilos mo.

Ang saya natin na magkaibigan. Yung tipong lahat natin kinukwento sa isa’t isa. Walang sikreto. Walang pag aalinlangan.

Sabi mo mag iingat ako palagi kase kaibigan mo ako.
Sabi mo nanjan ka palagi sakin, kase kaibigan mo ako.
Sabi mo saakin magkwento lang ako sayo ng kung ano ano kase nga, kaibigan mo ako.

Pero napagtanto ko lang, magkaibigan lang ba talaga tayo?

Isang beses tumawid tayo ng kalsada. Hinawakan mo yung kanang kamay ko. Magkaibigan pa ba yun?
Isang beses nagalit ako sayo. Hinalikan mo ako sa noo. Magkaibigan pa ba yun?
Pauwi na sana ako nun kaso biglang sabi mo “I love you”. Magkaibigan lang ba yun kapag ganon?

Hindi naman ata ganyan ang magkaibigan lang.

Nagtataka lang talaga ako. Wala kang binabanggit sakin na kahit ano pero ang galing mo magbigay ng mga motibo.
Yung tipong mapapaisip ako na “ay, may gusto to saakin”.
Tas eto namang si tanga, umasa. Pero buti nalang, di nauwi sa wala. Yun nga lang, may hangganan din naman pala.

Hindi mo ako niligawan, pero tinrato mo ako na parang merong tayo.

Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa na sumugal, kase sa una naman talaga ako naman ang may gusto.

Pero hanggang dito nalang ba talaga tayo? Kakapit sa salitang “siguro”?
Gaano ba ako kahirap panindigan? Gaano ba kahirap bigyan ng lugar ang isang taong mahal mo?

Pero oo, kumapit pa rin ako. Kumapit sa pag asang tatagal tayo. Kumapit sa pag aakalang magiging maayos tayo.
Kaso bigla ko ulit napagtanto, saan pa ba ako kakapit kung wala na kong kakapitan?

Hindi ako scratch paper mo, pero tiniis ko yon dahil nga masaya ako sa kung anong meron tayo.
Kahit na walang tayo.

Inisip ko pa rin na balang araw hindi na ko basta scratch paper mo, kundi canvass na handang bigyan ng kulay at patuloy pa ring makukulayan sa pagtagal ng panahon.

Kaso yun nga lang, hanggang scratch mo lang talaga ako.

Papunta na sana tayo sa sunod na hakbang. Papunta na, umatras ka pa.

Muntik ng maging tayo.
Pero yun nga.

Hangga’t tinitibok pa rin ng puso ko ang pangalan mo,
hangga’t nasasaktan pa rin ako sa tuwing nakikita kita,
hanggang sumusulat pa rin ako ng mga ganto tungkol sayo,
mahal pa rin kita.LRM_EXPORT_20180822_063645.jpg

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Short Reads Uncategorized

What have gone wrong?

If we were supposed to get it right, we won’t end up being strangers.

Silence killed us. We killed the communication, and I think that’s the most terrible that thing that ever happened to me. To us.
We just dodged the situation and acted like everything’s fine when in reality, everything’s falling apart that causes things to get worse and even worse everyday.

And yet, we both pretended that everything was fine. We acted as if things are going accordinly.
Even if we consciously know that those things are going to another direction.
Going to the path that we never wanted to take.

For days, I waited. I constantly check my phone for notifications from you. I lied everytime I remind myself that i’ve finally moved on when in reality I still get hurt with the fact that we never talked again after what happened. Seems like things only happened overnight.

Everyday i feel so less about myslef. What had gone wrong? What really happened? Did you just gave me a “valid” reason to sugarcoat the truth?

I’m still waiting, to be honest.
At least give me a closure because I deserve one.

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Walang titulo.

Hindi mo alam kung gano kasakit.

Hindi mo alam kung gano kasakit para sakin ang di ka pansinin kahit gustong gusto na kitang ngitian.
Hindi mo alam kung gano kasakit magtiis na di ka tingnan.
Hindi mo alam kung gano kasakit pigilan ang mga luha na gustong pumatak sa mga pisnge ko.

Kase akala ko okay na ko.
Akala ko lang pala.

Pinipilit kong magpaka manhid kahit gustong gusto ko ng maramdaman.
Pinipilit kong maging masaya kahit ang totoo eh nasasaktan na ako kapag nakikita kita.

Mareklamo ba ko? Siguro.
Sorry ha, nahulog din naman kase ako.

Oo nga pala, bigla kong naalala.
Hindi nga pala tayo.

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[ Update ]

Hi ya’ll! This has been the busiest summer so far. As you can see, my last post was last March and up until now, I haven’t updated anything yet.

Maybe next month or the other, I will be posting my next blog but rest assured, the topics that I am going to post is already on due process. There’s so many that I wanted to post, but as of now, I am more focused on myself, my family and my friends. It’s summer yah know, and we all know the drill.

I am very sorry for the inconvinience at the moment. I miss blogging and I will be posting soon.

– vielle x

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Mahal kita, kaso masakit na.

Akala ko ba maghihintay? Akala ko ba not now but soon? Akala ko ba babalik ka? Bakit parang hanggang akala nalang?

Sabi mo ako ang private nurse mo, pero bakit iba na yang gumagamot sayo? Sabi mo magpapahinga ka lang, pero bakit parang sa iba ka yata nagpapahinga? Sabi mo saakin dati, “lab, mahal mo ba ko?”, pero bakit sa iba mo na tinatanong?

Ayoko na sanang tanungin, kase mukhang alam ko na ang sagot. Ayoko na magtanong ng “ako pa ba?” kase alam ko na ang sasabihin mo- “sorry, may mahal na kong iba”. Takot ako. Natakot ako na baka nakahanap ka ng iba. Pero mukhang nagkatotoo yata.

Gusto ko pa sanang mahawakan yang kamay mo, pero may nakahawak na palang iba. Gusto pa sana kitang mayakap, kaso may nauna na. Gusto ko pa sanang maramdaman kung anong pakiramdam ng masabihan mo ko ng “mahal kita”, kaso naalala ko. Di na pala pwede kase sa iba mo na pala yan sinasabi.

Masaya ka naman ah? Masaya naman tayo. Pero bakit tila lahat yata nagbago? Bakit parang napag iwanan yata ako? Gusto ko pa sanang kumapit sayo, kaso wala na pala kong kakapitan. Wala na pala kong dapat kapitan dahil yung kakapitan ko nakakapit na sa iba.

Ayoko sana mamili ka saming dalawa, pero yun lang kase yung paraan para malaman ko kung kakapit pa ba ko o bibitaw na ko. Hindi mo naman talaga kase kelangan mamili saming dalawa. Kase kung ako lang talaga sa umpisa palang ako lang sana. Hindi mo naman ako dapat balikan kase sa una palang dapat di mo na ko iniwan.

Hindi ka makasagot kung sino saaming dalawa. Pero yun na nga. Yun na mismo yung sagot.

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Loving is letting go.

We were happy before. BEFORE. Those old times where we both walk our way home after school. Those times where we both procrastinate in our homework. Those times where laughter echoes the corridor. Those old times that we still both held hands and never let go.

But as time passes by, seems that the air has blown to the other direction.

Everything was fine, until you met her.

I can still remember those times where time is really hard to manage, where even saying hello is something hard to do. I can still remember when I allow myself to sleep without even fixing the chaos brought by ourselves. I can still remember those times where I became egoistic and selfish, where I blind myself to the fact that I am a catastrophe, not knowing that someone’s hurting by that time.

I allow the problem to subsist, and that’s one fault I feel guilty about. I became selfish, you became arrogant. We were on the verge of our relationship, and sadly, we both fell on that verge. We ended up breaking each others heart, one thing that we don’t usually do.

As we fell, we both get lost. We were both like stray cats, finding shelter and comfort. We’ve been searching for something that we’ve lost lately, and that is love and happiness.

I choose to hold on to that hope that we’re getting back together. I have high hopes. Everday, I waited for a sign. A sign that would tell me that he’ll be back. But it turns out that I just wasted my time waiting.

You are happy now, in someone else’s hands.

Maybe some people are meant to light up our hearts, but just for a moment.

I still want to hold on, but seems that there’s nothing to hold on to. You are now happy, she makes you happy. Who am I to be such a disturbance for the both of you? I’m still fighting to take you back, still hoping that one day, you’ll realize that it’s only me that matters. But for what?

Since I really love you, I let you choose between me and her. It’s been days, but I’m getting nothing. You aren’t even answering my answer.

But I guess, not having the answer is an answer.

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I have a purpose.

I have a purpose in this chaotic world. A world that seems to be crowded by empty people, walking down the streets at night, searching for serenity and peace. A world, where children in some parts of the world are deprived even with the simplest right to be educated. A world, where kindness is a bad thing, and with that, you are different.

I have a purpose to be of help to others. The priviledged should hold hands together as they began their mission to offer a helping hand to the needy.

I have a purpose to become a keen observer of the society, in order for me to filter those things that needs to be taken action.

As a student, I have a purpose to educate myself and others, for the perseverance of the mission that needs to be acted out by the future contributors.

As a daughter, I have a purpose to mold myself for the future that awaits me. To be responsible enough for my actions, and to be wise enough in making decisions.

As a beautiful steward of My Creator, I have a purpose to maintain peace and harmony that starts within myself. A beautifully made creature who wholeheartedly dedicate her existence for the reconstruction of our problematic society.

I am blessed physically, mentally, and spiritually, and by that, I have a purpose.

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To confess, or not to confess?

“Sir, I love you”

The schoolyear is about to end, and I am planning to confess to my teacher, the one that I’ve been talking about in my past few blogs. I’m going to tell him that I have feelings for him. What do you guys think? Any suggestions? Should I push through?

Hoping for your answers 🙂

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The last 6 days: An open letter

Hi again, Sir. This week will probably be the last week of this schoolyear. I mean, my week. Last monday, last tuesday, wednesday, thursday, and friday. Last 6 days of schooldays.

Meaning, last 6 days to see you.

The last six chances.

What could probably happen on moday? See you in the hallways?

Tuesday? See you at the canteen?

Wednesday? See you entering a classroom?

Thursday? See you facing your laptop?

Friday? See you talking to a random student?

I don’t know. We don’t know.

The best thing I can do is to anticipate. I mean, I know I’m going to have the last 2 chances to meet you. The first one is when I am going to be submitting my output, second is when I am going to ask for my grades. 2 effin’ chances left to see my favorite teacher. I mean, to see this guy who makes my heart pump a little bit.

I hope you’re silently sleeping. It’s 12:58 AM and I’m here, still awake. I just finished the final requirement needed in your subject.

See you tomorrow sir! Goodnight.

Photo source: Google

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3:13 AM thoughts.

I’m stuck

Stuck whether to tell or not to tell

To write or to hide

To close the door, or keep it open

Should I prolonge the agony?

Or should I let it be?

If ever I’ll choose to be risky,

Would you do the same?

I am drunk on the idea of love

drunk on the idea that you once become my hero

You once comforted me with your words

And now, you always gave comfort everytime you smile

I always hope to see you in the hallways

Hoping that maybe you’ll see me, and you’ll ask how my day went

But then again, I’m just a student

And you’re always inside the faculty.

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Moon perception of a night person.

I once witnessed a luminous moon

Beautiful, elegant, perfect.

I always wanted to touched the moon, but then I realized I’m so far from it.

Every night, I always want to see a moon, but the moon only shines once a month.

The moon can never be touched, but it can be seen. It always shine everytime it shows up. It lits up the night sky. It gives light to the dark.

And sometimes, the moon are people.

We have always this one person that will always be our moon. That person shines the brightest in our eyes. For us, that person is always the reason why darkness is sometimes worth waiting for.

Sometimes, challenges are worth looking up to.

Photo source: Google images

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An open letter to the teacher who called me “darling”

Dear Sir,

I take my exam today, and you are my proctor. It was during Statistics where I reached my limit and I cried. I cried because I cannot answer the remaining 25 items since all of the questions aren’t taught to us. Everybody submitted their paper and go home, but I was still on my seat, answering and hoping that the answer would just pop up the test paper.

I was seated right in front of you, and you witnessed how I cried. You witnessed how I cringe when I cannot even get the right computation. You witnessed how my eyes turned watery until tears just naturally came out of my eyes.

I cried.

And you are there.

You are the one who comforted me. You are the one who still believes in me even at my dullest moment. I was so disappointed of myself at that time. I feel like a failure, but you never made me feel that way. You even told me that crying won’t make any sense. You told me to just guess the answer, after all it won’t matter.

I never cried in front of a teacher, and you are the first one to witness my tears. It’s like you’re wiping all of my tears using your words. I did not expect that from you. I never even think of you being so kind. You’re such a kind person, and I think you deserve all the kindness in the world.

You’re giving me so much reasons to love you.

Disclaimer: the teacher that I am referring to is the teacher that I am talking about in my last blog

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Act like a girl.

First of all, how to act like a girl?

“Keep your knees closed while sitting”

“Dress properly. No shorts, no shoulders off, no cleavage, no croptops.”

“Control your laugh. It doesn’t look nice when a girl laughs louder than a man.”

“Wear jeans and shirts so that men won’t sexualize you.”

“Sit properly.”

“No slutty poses in pictures. That’s so like a hoe.”

“No duck faces. No tounges out. You’re not Miley nor Kylie. Act like an Emma Watson.”

The society today dictates all the actions of women. Inappropiateness can lead to danger. Freedom of expression in terms of dressing is like a security box, chained and locked.

Acting like a girl and women means expressing oneself without any hesitations. Because given the fact that danger is all aroynd, still, women are strong enough to fight.

Now, in this male dominated society, how should a girl act like a girl?

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I love you, Sir.

Before anything else sir, I wrote you a letter that I will be giving you at the very last day of this schoolyear.

Finals is fast approaching, but you haven’t discuss the last topic yet. You told us last friday that you’ll discuss the topic tomorrow. Well sir, guess what, I’m looking forward to it! Why? Because sir, I like you.

I don’t know, but everytime I look at you I’m getting butterflies inside my stomach. Everytime you call me “darling”, it’s not your voice that I hear, but it’s the sweet sound of “darling” that makes music. You have this power to catch all of our attention, to catch my attention.

The whole semester went so smooth. I was so happy I got the chance to meet you. You are so respectful in all ways, in all aspects. You talk to a girl as if they have all the due respect. You always talk to me as if I’m a princess. Well, thankyou for making me feel like a princess when my dad can’t make me feel like one.

Why should I feel like this? Why should I feel as if I have feelings for you? Why does my heart needs to pump a little bit harder everytime I see you? Why do I need to get these butterflies in my stomach everytime you call me “darling”? Anyway, why does “darling” sound so sweet to me?

Recently, I often think about you, and I can conclude that I’ve been crushing on for these past few days, but why? Why do I need to feel like I have a huge crush on you? Why sir? What have you done?

I know what you’re thinking sir. I know. This is so wrong. This shouldn’t be happening. I feel so dumb. I know I shouldn’t be crushing on you because in the first place you have a wife. But I’m sorry sir. I need to vent this out.

If only I was born in some other time, maybe we can be possible. Maybe this love can be.

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The thing you never did when I was a kid

When I was a couple of days old, my grandmother rushed to the hospital, payed half of the hospital bill, wrap me in cloth and hurried their way home.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

At nights when my scream echoed the whole street like a lion roaring for food, my grandmother boiled me those bitter herbs to make my stomach feel better.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

At sleepless nights when they danced me to sleep and wake up at 2 AM just to make me a glass of milk for my arrogant body.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When the time came where my legs are enough to be sturdy, my grandmother is always there to be the support, to be the helping hand so that I will be able to walk the way of life.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I fall on my knees, my grandmother told me to stand up on my own, but not leaving me behind for she teaches me to be strong when I am at my weakest point.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I reached the age of 4, my grandmother made me wore a white and neat uniform that matches my black and shiny shoes that symbolizes the starting stage of my education, while my grandfather fetches me to school, buys me my favorite fruit drink and goes home at dawn.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I reached highschool, my grandmother taught me stay away from boys that had nothing to do but stare at my woman-ness with fires ignited inside them.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When my grandmother sent me to a catholic institution, providing all my necessities, she told me that I should be grateful for all the things that God has given me.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

I was told once to go home at 5:00 PM before dawn kisses the night just to protect me from the predators that may consume my entire being while I am drunk on the idea of love.

Thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I was crying at 1 AM on a monday night, my grandmother told me that sometimes life brings us down but we need to be strong enough to lift ourselves up.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I portrayed the role of Mother Mary in our stage musical during my tenth grade, my grandmother sew me a white robe that I will be using during the competition, reminding me that the dress is the cloth of bravery and wit that I am going to showcase on stage.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I won the stage musical, my grandmother told me that life is a theater and I am the main character of my story.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

When I am able to make decissions all by myself, my grandparents motivated me well to decide what path I am going to take, for I am the only one held liable of my future.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.

And now that I am on my eleventh grade, my grandmother still prays for me, takes care of me as if I’m her daughter, showered me with love and respect.

The thing you never did when I was a kid.